Friday, February 25, 2011

I'm his Mom

I'm his Mom and it's me that can make the right choices for him. So often I have said he's getting better, (he is) then just to fall down with the reality we have so far to go. I have to say, I'm tired and we need help. I feel like I can't go on any more. Like I don't want to get out of bed, deal with one more issue, put a smile on my face that is fake. Where do you get help in the middle of know where? (I've already stopped typing 4 times because he needs something) We have to drive at least an hour to get help that insurance will pay for. Why should Matt's hard earned money go for this. You know I read somewhere that when a child has cancer people help the family but when your child has autism, no one is around. I think that goes for SPD also. I am thankful for my family they help when they can. It's days like this week when you feel all alone. But, I'm his Mom and I can do something about this. Here's what I wrote last night. 1st part is from a song that I changed the words to a little.

Who will love him for him? Not for what he has done or what he will become but his Mom. Me! I'm his Mom to cherish him, love him unconditionally, have patience for him, to care for him, to cheer him on, to hold him tight, to kiss him goodbye, tuck him in at night, cherish his words, adore his smile, appreciate his efforts, applause his work, pick him up, and love him just the way he is at just the moment we are in. I'm his Mom! No one else but me.

My prayer right now is that God will give me strength to be all I can be for him and his brothers. Also I'm still a wife, my husband needs me too. I'm empty and only God can fill me. I'm his Mom and its time to rise up and be all I can be!